As a habit, I’ve always actively taken a daily measure of where I am emotionally and spiritually by how I feel in those first few moments when I’m coming out of sleep. I have learned to spot peace, frustration, anger, hurt, joy, happiness, love, and a wide range of emotions. Those first few moments are probably the most honest I am with myself all day. And for a few Saturdays now I’ve been waking up with a feeling of no regret. It is a wonderful feeling.
I took immediate notice the first time it happened as I opened my eyes. I lay in bed and lapped up that feeling. I didn’t know why I was feeling it, but there was no way I wasn’t going to allow myself to enjoy it. The relief of it after all the emotional battles of the past few years has gotten my attention. Where did this come from? There are many things still not right side up in my life, so what have I done to bring me to this place? I give it some thought, then I go through my week and forget about it; but then it happens again. Today I stop to face and embrace it, and give thanks for it.
I thank God for bringing me from that place where Friday nights were mistake-nights, or fight-nights, or too-much-alcohol-nights, and where I chalked up regrets that marred even my first waking moments. I thank Him for bringing me from the place where I listened to, and believed, the voices raised against, and fingers pointed at me.
In spite of it, I’ve somehow been able to keep my eyes on the little bit of light He continues to shine on the path just in front of me. I have been determined to not take my eyes off it, and suddenly my spirit knows that I am in the absolutely right place, even though I can’t seen much ahead. I have no idea what a year from now will be like for us, but this no-regrets life has grown my faith in God and in His plans for our lives. There are still things that I want fixed in my life, and things I want to accomplish, but my Saturday morning feels make me think that He’s got those covered for me.
I share this for two reasons. One, to publicly thank and acknowledge our Father for bringing this desperately needed healing. Two, to encourage you in your own walk/life/journey. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Gal 6:9 NIV).
This, and other verses, keep popping into my head because they have carried me. They sound so cliché, almost flippant, and it is easy to think that they don’t have weight in today’s world; but I am convinced that things are going on in the spiritual realm around you that you cannot see, and that these verses bring hope because they are true. As one who is on the path ahead of you, I can attest that it is going to get better. The days won’t always be hard and dark and full of struggle. “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.” (Ps 30:5).
So, keep believing. Keep doing the good you know to do. Keep walking in the light He provides for you, as small as it might be. The Christmas season might make it harder to do because of the expectation that everything should be right in the world at this time of the year. Many of us know firsthand how unrealistic an expectation that is.
Sometimes the only way out is through, and one day you’ll wake up and realize that God has been beyond what you ever imagined faithful to be. “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.” (2 Chron 16:9). Keep believing…keep doing…keep walking… Even if it takes years.
©Debbie Mendoza, December 2017.
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